Yeesh......

Man, this has been a weird week. I've been in a deep funk for the most part. It intensified when my brother called to let me know that a cousin of mine got engaged. Normally, I would have blown my mind with joy, but that only made me feel worse.
You see, this cousin and I were really close. Talking to each other all the time, discussing deep things, encouraging each other, the works. However, over two years ago, when I was doing really bad in my previous yeshiva, I made a certain mistake which inadvertently affected everyone that I knew, because I lied to them. In any case, we made up, but I still didn't feel better about it. Then she went for seminary to eretz yisroel, so our contact was cut short. When she came back from the holy land, it was like she was supercharged, and we never picked up where we left off. We hardly spoke anymore, and although we had a long talk right before this past Rosh Hashana, I still don't feel the closure that I need. I don't feel like she's forgiven me, and last night, the first thing I thought was "well, now she's gonna get married, at that'll be it. No more time for her cousins, and I'll never get that old closeness back."
So, I moped around a little. But then I kicked myself. She's family! I believe she's forgiven me. But we haven't had that same closeness? So what? Doesn't mean we're not close or still friends! People grow, they change; they move on, and other people come into their scope of life! Naturally I felt better, and now I can't wait to go meet her future husband, to welcome into the family.......
Originally posted Friday, 24 June 2005