Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Funny, albeit gross, story.....

Getting back to lighter and funnier things, allow me to relate a story that occured a few years ago. But first, let me tell you what reminded me of it. A few nights ago, I was listening to the radio, and heard a series of commercials that pissed me off, due to their lewdness. The first was a condom ad, and that's naturally sexual in nature. The second was an ad for Godiva's new smoothie blends. The woman takes on a husky, sultry tone, as if to connotate that there's something sensual about a drink. These commercials reminded me of the following story:
Two years ago, I walked into my relatives house to get something. One of my cousins, who I wasn't terribly close with was sitting in the den watching VH1's program I Love The 70's. One of the segments were about tv ads that incorporated sexual innuendo. The prime example was for some hot dog company, in which a busty chick ( who looked like the woman from Debbie Does Dallas) winks at the camera, says "you'll love the way we eat our weiners!" And then basically deep throats the frank. The foolowing conversation ensues:
Me: That's sick. That's really nasty.
My cousin: what? what's the big deal?
Me: they have to have everything revolve around sex!
her: what do you mean? some people just eat that way.....( I realize she has completely missed the boat here, so I try to drop the subject, but she insists...)
her: I don't see what the big deal is. i could eat it that way....
me: no one eats hot dogs like that.
her: I can. I'll show you at the next family barbecue.
Sure enough, two weeks later, at the family bbq at my house, she motions to me from across the deck, and holding up a knockwurst (which is like a thick salty frank) in her hammy fist, proceeds to deep throat the thing, promptly starting to choke on it. She starts gagging, and my father jumps up, and her father jumps up, and they both start yelling at her to " bite and swallow! Bite and swallow!" I crack open a beer and start laughing at the hilarity of the situation. Eventually, they pull it out of her throat, and everyone looks at me, trying to figure out why I'm laughing. Then, an older guy cousin of mine realizes the whole thing and looks at me. " You're a sick bastard." He tells me.
Hope no one's offended by the story!
Originally posted Friday, 24 June 2005

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