Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Off shabbos part II (see previous post first)

I didn't want there to be a system overload, so I saved some of the best for last.
While my buddies were in the mosh pit in front of the stage. I made myself comfy on the grass. Still, wanderlust struck, and I needed water badly, so I started to walk around. I ended up back on Fifth Ave., and started heading down in the numbers. At a certain intersection, there were a group of Neturei Karta dudes, protesting with placards, the whole nine yards. Aside from "fuck" and "shit", they spoke virtually no english. Opposite them, on the same side of the street, were a bunch of anti disengagement people. The two groups were exchanging words. At one point, the Gush men charged across the street, and they started shoving around. Next thing I know, there are fists flying, and these guys are having a rumble of Sharks/Jets magnitude (west side story, anyone?). I'm standing next to several big guys, so we look at each other, nod, and rush across the street, attempting to back the Gush guys away, and stop the fight.
Gush guy: what are you doing?! Get outta the way! (then, over my shoulder:)that's right, you crazy jerks! You're worse than Nazis!
Me: Listen man, stop. Stop! It's not gonna help. They won't shut up-
Him: I'll shut them up alright! (to them:) you even have a bris, you psychos?!
Me: Listen man, hey. Hey! Come back here! Come on! (I grab him, and he turns like he's ready to clock me. I plow on) today's your day. Our day, dude. It's unity-
Him: I can't unite with those nuts!!
Me: Just listen for a second! ( I swear, this guy's veins are popping, he looks like he's gonna have a stroke) No one's listening to them. They're hearing you. These guys don't even speak english. No one pays them any mind. Move on, man. There are cops laughing at both you groups,and goyim are watching. You want to tell me you'd like to be responsible for this massive chillul HaShem?
After some more cajoling, he and his posse go back acroos the street.
All of a sudden, three Ramaz girls come shashaying up to the Neturei Karta guys, in flying V formation. The two girls on the sides stop, as the leader proceeds another step or so. ( I swear this happened!) In unison, in unison!! they place their left hands on their hips, and their right hands go up in the universal teeny bopper Loser sign. If you don't know what it is, ask your sister. The leader looks the group up and down, and she says: "We're the fashion police, and you guys are just not gonna gel." Then, the three pivot away, and start shashaying back down the street again with the kind of look on their faces that tells you that they're thinking: "Uh huh. I'm jewish, rich, and hot. Don't mess."
I couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes.
That was a pivotal moment for me. Alicia Silverstone must be proud.
Originally posted Wednesday, 8 June 2005

No comments: