Friday, March 23, 2007

Ahhhh, youth!

The things we don't even realize when we're children.....
Recently, my roomate brought in some old kids' tapes, for nostalgic purposes. One of the tapes that he brought in was Dr. Middos and the Marvelous Middos Machine. I only had a vague recollection of the tape, plus I had watched the video, not heard the audio, but I was amazed at the whole premise of the tape. I'll explain:
Dr. Middos is a benevolent person who crafts this wonderful machine that via satellite, can monitor all the good jews in the world, and how they're behaving. If, G-d forbid, someone tells a lie, or makes fun of his friend, etc., there is a middos alert, and the machine streams music that has grave moral undertones throughout the tune down to the offenders area, in order for the person to learn his lesson, and rectify himself.
Very nice, but I was amazed at the whole concept.
First of all, isn't this teaching kids voyeurism? To snoop in other people's homes and invade their privacy? I now have this image of Dr. Middos as a creepy old man, airing out everybody's dirty laundry. Could this be the reason for the inexplicable spawning of several thousand yentas worldwide, and counting? It's scary!
And don't tell me that the most grave problem is Heshy spilling the milk and being caught in a moral dilemma as to whether he should lie or not; there's so much juicier dirt out there!
In any case, I am pleased to announce the release of the Dr. Middos and the Marvelous Middos Machine dvd, due out sometime around Rosh Hashana. Among other goodies such as director's commentary, interviews with the actors, and updated computer generated graphics, this deluxe package will include the deleted scenes, uncut, and uncensored!
A few of my favorite scenes:
Shnooky Shapiro: Well, it seems like everything is going well....( suddenly, the middos alert goes into full effect!!)
Dr. Middos: Shnooky, what's the problem? Have you been reading those goyish novels again?
Shnooky: I don't know, Dr. Middos! Let's look at the screen and find out! ( they both peer at the screen)
Shnooky: Hey! What's Shprintza doing with Zalman? Isn't she married to Berel? Where are they going?
Dr. Middos: One second Shnooky, let's wait and see...
Shnooky: They can't do that! Didn't you tell me that that's assur, Dr. Middos? We have to stop them right now-
Dr. Middos: Wait a moment Shnooky, this looks interesting...( microwave dings, and Dr. Middos pulls out a fresh bag of Cholov Yisroel Popcorn)
Dr. Middos: Shnooky, can you get me the slivovitz?
And so on and so forth. I could go on, but I don't want to ruin all the surprises....
Originally posted Wednesday, 25 May 2005

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