Friday, March 23, 2007

Tres' chic?!?

Note: This really happened. For some reason, I get a lot of skeptical looks when I recount this story, but it's true...
The craziest thing happened to me the other night. I'm in 7-11, buying myself one of those huge slurpies. Suddenly, this big ( and when I say big, a mean of goliath-like proportions), mean, scary looking black dude walks in to the store. This guy looked like he was straight outta Compton, had the whole limp thing going, etc. He's wearing an oversized Notorioius B.I.G. t- shirt, and one of those throwback Celtics caps off to the side, his jeans are halfway down his ass, really, the whole nine yards.
And, he was wearing tzitzis.
Now, when you've repositioned yourself comfortably on your chair after toppling over in surprise, I'll restate myself.
He was wearing tzitzis. Swear to God.
Now, I'd seen falashas before, and there are some black converts back home, but most of them dress like jews in some way or another; this guy looked like he just came down from the ghetto to buy an ounce of weed and some twinkies. Anyway, I think to myself that I gotta talk to him. He steps out side, I follow. He lights up a cigarette, and looks at me....
Black dude: Whatup, man?
Me: Whatup, whatup, man....( trying hard and failing harder to sound like I can jive....)After some uncomfotable silence, I try again:
Me: Yo, dawg, can I ask you a question?
Him: Whatup?
Me: Are you a falasha?
Him: a what!? ( he gets ths look like he's saying " that better not be a racial word, cuz I'll fuck you up, honky!" I quickly press on and explain)
Me: you know, those Ethiopians who claim to be from the lost tribes of Israel?
Him: (Laughs) Shit, no! I'm a catholic!
Me: well, in that case, why are you wearing tzitzis, man?
Him: what the fuck are tzitzit?
Me: you know, the strings that you're wearing? Those are tzitzis, man. ( he holds them up for me to see)
Him: you mean these? Shit, man, that jewish clothe is dope!
Me: Dope?
Him: that's right, it's dope! It's fly! It's stylish, yo!
Me: Dope.....
Him: what's the big deal? I see white boys wearing ghetto shit all the time, aint no reason I can't wear jewish shit, right?
Me: Can I see them? ( I examine them. They are real, and are wound perfectly...)
Me: where did you get this?( in truth, I thought he probably knocked over a guy from my yeshiva or something...)
Him: shit, I work in a warehouse in Newark, there some jewboys there. I said to one "that's some mighty fine looking shit I see y'all wearing! Let me get some of that!" He got it for me, and I made him do it up exactly like you jewboys got it. Authentic, like.
Me: Is it wool or cotton? ( I was referring to the beged)
Him: Dunno. Take a look, man. ( It's cotton)
Me: How much did you pay for this? ( he gets this sly look on his face, like he pulled off a good one..)
Him: Shit, man. I didn't pay near as much as you guys do! I got a bargain! He wanted 50 bucks, but I got him down to 40, man. He told me I was killing him. ( Great, some chassidic dude just realized a splendid business opportunity, and is running around making a killing now.)
Me: um, yeah.....that's a good deal, man. You wear it all the time?
Him: Naw, it's part of my outfit, dawg. Y'know, on occasion. When I want to feel.....individual.
Me: cool.
Anyway, we exchanged high fives and went our separate ways. You meet all types.
Originally posted Friday, 3 June 2005