I hate Kiss. I really do. There are certain bands that I might appreciate their music even though I don't like them, but not Kiss. Their imagery doesn't match their music, and grown men prancing around in makeup is a little too kinky for me. But the thing I hate most about Kiss is Gene Simmons, the bassist (AKA tongue dude). The guy's an arrogant buffoon. He is so full of macho bullshit that I'm positive they fumigate the room whenever he leaves. He even goes as far as saying that the bass is a "...man's instrument; it's the balls of the band!", due to it's tone and size. He's obviously never heard of Melissa Auf Der Mar, D'Arcy, and the black chick from David Bowie's current ensemble, to name a few amazing female players. The jerk even goes as far as claiming that he created the "Devil's Horns" symbol (clenched fist with index and pinkie extended), when everybody knows that Dio created it before joining Sabbath.
The reason for my ire is that last night, contrary to regular practice, I flipped through the channels on tv. I don't usually watch tv, but I was reminding myself of what I won't be missing when I go to Israel tomorrow. Anyway, I happened upon MTV, which was airing a new program called Rock School, in which Gene Simmons decends upon a preppy british boarding school, and is charged with the task of turning 15 little snobs into "rock stars". Does this sound familiar to anyone? sadly, and in my case, expectedly, Simmons is no Jack Black, and this rip off doesn't even come close. It's banal, and I can't believe people watch such crap.
Now, some of you might be saying "well, jewmaican's just jealous of Gene's hedonistic lifestyle, and the fact that he's been laid reportedly several thousand times." My answer to that is that while he may be a player, my idea of a good time is not sitting around with Hugh Hefner discussing our venereal diseases, which they'd be a perfect brunch date for.....
Originally posted Thursday, 1 September 2005
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