Doing the right thing ( Spike Lee not included...)

Have you ever been so scared or nervous that your butt actually twitched?
I have.
I vividly remember being so anxiously frightened that my left cheek twitched so hard, I could have sworn that it was visible through my pants.
You see, back when I was in junior high (about sixth or seventh grade), I was really thirsty one day. My parents never gave me cash to take to school, so I couldn't buy anything. There was a gas station across the street, and I knew inside was a refrigerator full of ice cold pepsi ( "All I wanted was a pepsi, all I wanted was a pepsi!...."), just waiting for me to come in and get one, and slake my eternal thirst. The operative word, of course, was get. At the time, I knew that if I didn't get that pepsi, I'd die from need. Not having money, I decided to shoplift. I don't know if I made a concious decision, but next thing I knew, I was standing outside the gas station, shaking with nervous energy.
I'd never shoplifted before, but I knew what Perry Farell ( a nice jewish boy, who happens to sing for Jane's Addiction...) had to say about it. Walk right through the door. That's it, right?
I was scared shitless. I must have stood outside for over twenty minutes just gathering the nerve to step into the store. Inside, I went to the fridge, and looked at the rows and rows of pepsi bottles, glistening with coldness. I opened the fridge, and as I was removing the bottle, my butt started twitching. I thought I was gonna die. My hands shook as I tried to stuff the bottle into my pocket, and I thought that I was gonna get caught for sure.
Anyway, I got away with out being caught, but the guilt rode me for a while. But the most vivid memory I have of the whole story is the way my butt twitched. It had never done that before, and hasn't ever again...
So, what reminded me of this? I'll tell you....
Yesterday, I walked into a little grocery store around the corner from my apartment to buy myself a drink. The guy who runs the place is a chilled out Breslov dude, and he just sits in a chair by the register all day. He never gets up. He just stays there in his seat, and controlls the place from his "throne". I doubt he ever misses anything. He's like a kung fu chassid ( He actually reminds me of David Carradine). The refrigerator is in a place where - unless you're trying really hard - you can't see what's going on over there. Anyway, I approach the fridge from around one of the aisles, and I see this kid, standing by the fridge.
I take this kid in in one glance. He can't be more than ten or eleven. His clothes are literally tattered. We're talking shreds of cloth here. Shit poor, bottom of the percentile, all that jazz. I can't even imagine being like that, and I immediately feel bad. But then I notice something else: he looks scared.
Now, I'm coming from the other direction, i.e. not from the direction of the counter, and this kid doesn't see me. But I can see him, and I can see what he's doing. He checks the front to make sure that all's clear, and then quick as a flash, he pockets a bag of milk.
I'm shocked. This kid is so poor that he has to steal milk! It's not like he's ripping off a Bamba, or something like that. He can't afford the basics!
I freeze. I don't know what to do.
In america, in a regular store, if I caught some kid doing that, I'd probably shout something, or at least say something to the kid. But this is the Holy Land, and this is a jewish kid we're talking about. What do I do? Get this kid in trouble, and embarass him and his family? But if I don't say something, and the kid realizes that I saw it, what message am I sending then?
I turn around and walk the other way. I don't know if the kid saw me, but I'm not going to let him know that I saw him. I wait at the other end of the aisle, and watch the kid walk out. Then, I go and get what I came from.
When I get to the counter, I pay for the stuff, and then I tell the guy to subtract the cost of a bag of milk from my change. I don't explain why, but he doesn't ask, either. I'm telling you, this guy is so kung fu it freaks me out. I have no doubt he knows what just went down.
I never paid back that gas station from those years back, and they've changed owners twice over. Maybe this was a chance to make amends?
I just hope I did the right thing.

Originally posted Tuesday, 9 May 2006