Apparently, there are many rules - both unspoken and outright - in the jewish dating game. The seasoned veterans ( siblings, relatives of various connection and friends, both married and non ) have each taken turns sitting me down and giving me a rundown on the rules and regulations that come as an integral part to dating. If you wish to be successful, it seems, you must adhere to these guidelines with the tenacity of a rabid wolverine, no matter how conflicting or contradictory one rule may seem when held up against another rule.
Here are some of the rules. You'll see that some make sense, while others don't seem to be relevant in the slightest. I can't write them all, because we'd be here for quite some time, to say the least.
Rule #1: Always smile.
Rule #2: Never disagree with the girl's father, no matter how stupid the comment he made was. At least not while you're still dating the girl.
Rule#3: Never refer to the girl by her name, even to her when you are conversing. It's immodest.
Rule #4: Contrary to Tiffany's Guide to Etiquette, you should not hold the door for her, and then enter the room behind her. It's immodest.
Rule #5: Along the same lines, but for more complex reasons than #4, don't wait by the car door for her to get in. It's immodest.
Rule #6: Never reveal any shortcomings you have. If this becomes a long term relationship, she'll figure it out herself, without your help. If it doesn't become a long term relationship, no harm, no foul.
Rule #7: First date must be formal attire ( in our cases, suits and ties ), but a lounge is preferable to a restaurant, being that a restaurant is too formal.
Rule #8: Do not drink alcohol on the date.
Rule #9: If all else fails in your effort to keep conversation flowing without getting into heavy topics, bring up Seminary and/or Israel.
And the final most important rule of them all:
Rule #10: You do not talk about Fight Club. Fight Club does not exist...
Originally posted Friday, 29 December 2006
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