In the game...

Hey everybody. So, as Channuka approaches, my mother's been taking names, and we're working on one right now. I had a little bit of fun the other day, though.

My friend's wife is trying to make it in the Shidduch business as a shadchan. My friend e mailed me a resume of sorts, one that was lifted off of frumster or some site along those lines, and then she tweaked it a bit. I answered most of the questions seriously, and mailed it back to them. But one question stuck in my craw a bit. the last question was "What are you looking for in a mate?" I answered that one as best as possible without giving the impression that I had specifications that were exlusive.

I don't really dig the whole "shopping list" idea that the frum community - for the most part - has cooked up. I realize that there is a certain amount of hishtadlus that we must do, but if one is specific, how do they know that they're not messing with what is supposed to happen? Let's say I declare that I want a, b, and c in a girl, and my folks or the shadchanim therefore turn down anyone who don't fit that list. What if God wants something that is the polar opposite of everything that I said I wanted? What if what I specified isn't the best thing for me? I don't want to curtail myself because of some silly thing, so how do you maintain a balance?

I decided that whenever I give someone my "list" I straight out tell tham that the criteria therin is not by any means exclusive; it's just a startibng point as opposed to saying "he wants a female. Who looks like one, too."

Hopefully that'll lend some clarity and cover all the bases.

Now, getting back to that question at the end of the list, I wish they used a different word than "mate". Mate sounds so National Geographic. Think about it.....

( Tribal drumbeats in the background as the narrarator intones:) Swiftly ascending the tree, the young Jewish male beats his chest and lets out his mating call:

"OHHHHHHHHYOYOYOOYOYOYYYYYY!"

( scene cuts to a gathering of jewish males surrounding two larger ones ) The smaller males cluster around the two bull males as they prepare to determine who will take the Jewish female. ( The watchers make noises as the two square off with each other, letting out grunts as they advance)

Or, better yet, imagine if Steve Irwin (RIP) had a segment on it?

( rustling of underbrush. Steve is creeping through a dense forest and turns to the camera ) "All right now. Remember, the Jewish tribe keep together in large groups, so don't be surprised when you see the size of the gathering. They may look disheveled and unshaven, but they're really gentle souls who like to sit around and read all day. And some have mastered the art of renting cars and scamming cell phone companies! Ready? No worries, then..." ( Steve pushes through the foliage to reveal a clearing where many males are lounging around, smoking cigarettes and arguing with each other....)

Well, maybe not. But you get the idea, right?

Originally posted Friday, 8 December 2006