A break through in parent/child relationships?

Well, this has been a very interesting week....
First of all, my english birthday was this past sunday. I am now 21, and completely in the realm of adulthood. Of course, the fact that I can legally drink alcohol has no meaning in the Holy Land, where I believe the only prerequisite is that you have to be able to see over the counter...
So, what happened this week to make life so interesting is that on wenedsday morning, I slept later than usual. I'm usually up with enough time to daven and make it to first seder on time, but the previous night, I had even more trouble than usual falling asleep, and therefore didn't wake up on time. My father, who is still in town, by some fluke was in the area, and decided to pay me a visit. Needless to say, he wasn't terribly happy when he found me still in bed. But that wasn't the kicker. The thing that upset him the most is that all my drug paraphenilia is floating around my apartment. For all intents and purposes, I don't smoke; it doesn't fit into the lifestyle of a yeshiva student, and therefore, I distance myself from it. But he doesn't know that.
Dad: what's all this marijuana stuff in here? (I'm very busy trying to wash up and get dressed while he's interrogating me...)
Me:...
Dad: Are you using?
Me: (as I'm bent over my laundry bag, trying to find clean undies...) Didn't you know? Your son has been dealing to supplement his income as a yeshiva student...
Him: This isn't funny. Are you smoking pot?
Me: Dad, I still have crust in my eyes; we're not having this discussion now.
Anyway, he left in a huff, and I went to seder. I wasn't particularily happy, either. It wasn't like I was scared that he could do anything to me, but I also didn't want to go through the whole ordeal of having this conversation, yet. And, I was a little pissed off that he came to my apartment without telling me. Not that I would have hidden anything, but just to let me know. I mean, this is the one place where I feel comfortable and safe with my surroundings, and he went and violated that! At home, I know my mom goes through my room; here, there's a semblance of security. Plus, I was now going through all the worse case scenarios in my head of my parent's possible reactions.
So, once I had decided that whatever happens will happen, I decided to meet it head-on. My parents took me out to dinner the next night, and the entire meal, my father keeps asking me whether I want to talk to him about something, because I look upset. I counted how many times he asked. 15! 15 times he asked me! Which pissed me off, because I was ready to talk about it, and he was too pussy to bring up the subject! Eventually, he left to daven maariv. I hung around the hotel for a bit, stewing, and then decided screw it, if he wouldn't initiate the conversation, I would. So, I left the hotel, and went to find him, hoping to bump into him at the corner of the street. Naturally I didn't find him, and pissed off, I headed over to the Zone. When I got there, I spoke to my boss, and he encouraged me to go back and get it over with already. "You've already decided to start the conversation, and you know they can't do anything, so do it already!" He told me...
I went back to the hotel, and we met in the lobby, sans my mother. She would freak out. The only chance I'd have of a normal conversation would be mano a mano. I took a deep breath, and we began.
He was mildly upset, and he asked a lot of questions. When, where, how, what, and most importantly, why and why I stopped. I answered every single question as best as I could. Truthfully, it was easy to talk about, and the entire ordeal went infinitely better than expected. Then, he revealed to me that when he was young, he also smoked up. In all, it was a very good moment. Because of it, I was able to explain other things to him that up until now, I felt I couldn't. Even though we still didn't agree on certain topics and issues, at least now he knew that I wasn't doing everything half assed....
When we finished, I went back to my apartment and fired up the bong. Just kidding....
Never a dull moment!
Originally posted Sunday, 8 January 2006