Musings...

Hey.
Just thought I'd share some random thoughts that have floated into view in the murky fishbowl I call my mind...
- A guy in Yeshiva approached me the other day to show me a band he'd recently discovered. They're a metal band called Killswitch Engaged, and they've been around for the past seven years or so. I'd heard them plenty of times, of course, but the last I'd heard they had a guy who screamed a lot, and his screaming wasn't so good anyway, so I didn't pay much attention to them. Last year they got a new singer who utilizes his singing voice more, but I'd never heard him. Anyway, this guy came over to me with stars in his eyes. "You've gotta here this guy, Jewmaican! His lyrics are out of this world. Reluctantly ( I'll explain why I was reluctant later in this post...) I took his mp3 player and strapped on the headphones. Amid a blistering guitar riff coupled with a thundering double-bass drum, I heard the very familiar lyrics "...ride the tiger, you can see his stripes but you know he's clean... I nearly laughed out loud, but stifled it and handed the 'phones back to him. Basically, it's a cover of an old famous song by Ronnie James Dio, who fronted Black Sabbath after Ozzy left. After he in turn left Sabbath, he started a solo career...I love when guys think they've discovered something "new".
- Thinking about that later on brought back memories. I remember when I was first turned onto Dio. I was in 8th grade; it was 1997-98, and the rock scene wasn't really hot at the time. I should mention that I had all kinds of musical influences from my siblings when I was a really little kid. One brother was into Roxette, Poison, and the like. My other brother was into MC Hammer; my cousin was into what is already being termed as old school hip hop ( That's the whole gamut from Run D.M.C., KRS One, to Rakim and Eric B., etc.). One sister loved The New Kids On The Block; the other loved Genesis, Peter Cettera, Chicago, and Phil Collins' solo stuff. Another few of my cousins really liked the eighties metal scene. The only music style that I discovered myself really was reggae, and that was because of UB40. Anyway, at the time I was listening to classic stuff: Rush,Led Zep, Iron Maiden, and the likes of those. I had started getting bored with it; I had a new CD player, and was craving more. It was at a family barbecue, and one of my cousins approached me. He's several years older than me, but we got along really well. When I told him about my predicament, he smiled a little smile and ran back to his house. He came back holding a mixtape, one of those old ones that were clear with green and yellow markings all over it. The label said one word: Dio. I vividly remember going back into my house, up to my room, and not leaving for the duration of the tape. Afterwards, I said one word: whoa. It's funny how we can remember the things that mean significant changes in our lives, isn't it?
- I've been reading up on a very interesting concept in the psychology world lately. There's a school of thought going back several decades about a different approach to helping people with their issues. Rather than psychanalyze and try various forms of therapy which seemingly "harp" (focus would probably be a better word) on past trauma and childhood experiences, this approach seeks to cause the patient to focus on the positive aspects of his current experiences. This approach is known as Cognitive behavioral Therapy. The shrink will help the patient build up his self esteem by focusing on the good things that the person has going in his life, etc. By enumerating his accomplishments, and such ( note: in these matters, I'm basically a layman; this is how I understand it, that's all.). In my humble opinion, this does seem like a better approach, and most likely fits into hashkafic parameters as well. As a matter of fact, many Hasidic texts enjoin the reader to do just that...I even tried it earlier tonight on a friend of mine, and I think it helped.
- On that note, I was reminded of a beautiful meditation that my friend told me the other day. We say "Hashem reigned, Hashem reigns, Hashem will reign forever..." One of the commentaries explains that we, the nation of Israel say the past tense, the Angels say the present tense, and together we say the future tense. My friend's observation as to why this may be is because in hindsight, it's easy to see God's hand in everything; conversely, we can also say with faith for the future that we see God's hand. But in the here and now, when things may seem a little rough, it's sometimes difficult to actually recognize God's hand in everything, and therefore, only the angels say it. Obviously we have to get some CBT going to work on that...
- As for an explanation why I reluctantly listened to that guy's music? Well, truth be told, I've started to systematically delete my many files of non jewish music. I still like it, and I certainly don't look down at anyone who listens to it. I understand the draw it has, and the power it has, and how it can be cathartic. Hell, I lived at certain points only with the help of music. I would even venture to say that given the certain music - and the way it's utilized - it could even help a person grow. However, personally, my time is drawing to a close. First of all, it's not necessarily consistent with where I aspire to be, both spiritually and in real time. Second, to illustrate my point, I'll use a nice parable that I lifted from a Buddhist book I once read ( a looooong time ago): A man is walking and he comes upon a body of water he must cross. Suddenly, a boat drifts by. The man takes the boat, and uses it to cross the sea. Over the period of time he's in the boat, the man becomes very attached to it. After all, the boat keeps him afloat, keeps him safe. There's a small shelter that protects him from the sun and the rain and the winds. Without it, he'd never be able to survive. But when he gets to the other side of the sea, what will he do? Will he lift it out of the water and strap it to his back? The point is, the boat served a particular purpose; it got him across the water. But now, were he to take it onto his shoulders, it would be nothing but a burden. That's how I feel about the music issue. I have the knowledge that I have now, and I'll use that knowledge for the best things. But I don't really think I need the actual listening anymore. Now, I'm still listening to stuff, but I'm trying not to buy anymore music. And, while it's somebody else's business entirely as to whether s/he listens or not, I don't want to discuss it with others and possibly cause them to go buy or download stuff as a result of my "help."
-Another thing that recently flitted around my head was a memory from the bad times in High School. I read a book a little over a week ago called Go Ask Alice ( named after the trippy Jefferson Airplane song "White rabbit"), which was originally printed in 1971 by an anonymous author. It's alittle murky as to whether it's real, or based on the real diary of a teenage girl from then as she chronicles her own descent into the drug world. It's pretty freaky and probably would've stopped a lot of people from ever trying drugs if they'd read it early enough. Anyhoo, there's one entry that jumps out at me: August 13: It's all I can do to keep from crying. Mon and Dad just called to say how proud they are to have me for a daughter. There are no words to express how I feel. She doesn't have to say them, because I know exactly how she feels. I remember that happening to me. it was right before some proverbial shit hit the fan, literally two days. I was really down because I knew the other shoe was gonna drop, and I was talking to my mother. Out of the blue my mother said those exact words...
I wonder if all children go throught that experience? Will I do the same -unwittingly - to my own children? Definitely something worth thinking about...
Anyway, enough from me.
See you soon!