Monday, December 31, 2007

Second guessing...

My good friend Karma Dude is a volunteer Hatzoloh/EMS. He's got all the training, goes on calls, etc. This past Shabbos (to be precise, Friday night) he was woken up in the middle of the night by a frantic neighbor of his. His neighbor has a little boy (about 7 years old now), and several years ago, the kid had a brain tumor. Thankfully, the kid got better, but this Friday night, the kid had been acting erratic, had gone to sleep very early, and they couldn't wake him up.

Karma Dude went running over there. Finally, they were able to wake the boy, and KD checked his temperature, his heart beat, and determined that the kid was dehydrated. After they gave him (the kid, not KD) several cups of water, KD had to make a judgement call. On the one hand, it could be nothing, just a side effect of the fever. On the other hand, it could bely something more serious, given the kid's medical history, etc., and warrant a visit to the hospital.

In any event, KD advised the parents to continue checking up on the kid, and if anything happened, they should call Hatzoloh (i.e. the ones who are on call on Shabbos) to go to the hospital.

Karma Dude went home afterwards, and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He kept second guessing himself.

What if...

This happens so often, in every aspect of life. We make a decision, and we're final about it. But, then we're haunted by this nagging voice, a voice that makes us reconsider everything.

It's everywhere. In shidduchim, in where you'll live, which direction to take to get somewhere, etc. Sometimes, we never get rid of that feeling, even when in the depths of our heart, we know we did the right thing.

In fifteen minutes, it'll be my English birthday. I don't know if I'm wiser, but I do recognize that I've made many decisions this year, many choices. Where to go for yeshiva, whether or not to continue learning in yeshiva, dating decisions. Thankfully, I can say that, with God's help, I believe I have made the right decisions on almost all accounts this past year.

I want to bless all my readers, all Jews in the world, heck, everybody (and myself) that we should continue on this great journey, making our decisions with the conviction and fortitude that we all have deep within us...

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year!

8 comments:

The Dreamer said...

Amen.

oh, G-d, do i hate making decisions... i almost always second guess myself, even if i was totally sure beforehand....

doodlehead said...

nice post! happy birthday/new year.

Anonymous said...

happy bday!!! must b special 2 have a bday when the whole world's out partying and celebrating....may this next yr b even better than the last! til 120 dude!
EK

jjkl said...

i spent new years doing the regular thing trying to get some sleep

kikar tzion said...

kikar tzionWhat happened with the kid? KD - i like that nickname...tasty laxative

come running said...

Happy Belated Birthday!!!

mirrer bochur said...

Karma Dude is a lucky man, I would NEVER leave a dehydrated pt home wat to many "if's" for my concience. hope he dosent once makr the wrong choice . My saying in hatzolah is "YOU CALL WE HAUL"

karma dude said...

Mirrer, what you read is an abridged and very general story brought to raise a point. If you must know, the patient presented as a 7YO M with a slightly elevated HR (120 but he’s a small kid, maybe 35-40 kilo), normal respirations, normal BP, PAERL, and showed slight tenting at 3 sec. He was also running a fever of approx. 101. The slight dehydration and elevated HR are very normal side effects of a raised body temperature and in no way warrants a trip to the ER. The second guessing comes whenever I deal with children. They just seem so innocent and undeserving of all the sickness and cruelty this life has to offer. And I second guess myself because even though I know I made the best educated decision I can based on the information I have, I also know that if anything happened to a child because of my mistake, I will never be able to forgive myself. And the image of that sweet innocent tiny child curled up in the huge bed will forever haunt me.
Anyway, all’s well that ends well they say.