I've never felt like this before...
I don't want to get ahead of myself, and I don't want to get my hopes up, either. Still, I'm dating this girl right now (our second date was over only a few hours ago), and it seems different.
I like this girl. I'm not smitten, but I actually like her. Other girls, I might have been curious, might have wanted to get to know them better, but I can't say I really liked them. I didn't have any reason to say no, so I would continue and see where it took me. Somehow - and I can't describe it - this isn't the same.
How is it different? Well, one reason is that even though we don't have many things in common, it's not a deterrent. We don't share similar interests, et al, and that doesn't bother me.
And the newest sensation? I'm worried she may not agree to see me again, and I want to see where this goes.
I don't know what to do with myself...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 18, 2008
Back to square one...
Well, I had a date last night.
It sort of snuck up on me; I knew that there was a possibilty that I would have a date with this particular girl, but I thought it would be next week. Instead, I got a call from my mother near midnight on Tuesday, telling me to be ready by Wednesday.
I don't want to sound like a nut, but I like having ample time to prepare for a date - certainly a first date - and having to do a million different things in order to ensure my readiness the day of the date itself?
It could be a recipe for disaster...
Take yesterday, for instance.
My car reeks like smoke. I don't mind the smell, so when the weather is particularily cold, I let guys sit in there and smoke. Now, usually, I have a few days in advance to make my car off limits, and I don't smoke in there either. Couple that with driving around with the windows open and a new air freshener, and the problem is solved. However, since I only found out a mere twenty hours or so before the date, and the fact that cold weather seems to make smells stay longer, I was at a loss for what to do.
Luckily, Karma Dude came to my aid. Apparently, some guy at a car rental agency once told him how to get rid of smoke smell in a car - when you're in a rush, and need something effective: Coffee. If you take any kind of coffee (even the freeze dried Sanka garbage), sprinkle it on the floor, and let it sit overnight, you're guaranteed to get rid of the car smoke smell. Karma Dude said that a quarter of a cup of plain dried coffee would do the trick; I wasn't taking chances, so I used a whole cup, liberally sprinbkled throughout the car.
The next day, I get in my car to go to Shacharis, and I take a deep breath. The place smelled like a freaking Starbucks. The smell of coffee was so overpowering, I got a caffeine jolt via inhalation.
I had to drive around with the windows open anyway, just to get rid of the coffee!
Fast forward to the date. After running around picking up my suit and shirts, shaving, getting a haircut, making myself spiffy, figuring out where to take her and trekking to where the girl lives, I am ready. I am Zen, I'm chilled, nothing can break my stride.
I charm her folks, and we skip out the door. I open her door for her, then go around to my side of the car. I first open the backseat door to place my hat on the back bench. As I do this I make small talk, and lean in to the car to adjust the hat so it doesn't get ruined or whatever, and slam the door shut. I thought I had enough clearance when I shut the door, but I guess not, because the edge of the door slammed me in the side of my nose. Hard. There was an audible crack - so loud, in fact, that I thought I had knocked my glasses off, but it was my nose, actually.
There's blood pooling in my hand. Not too much, but it's there. The girl's sitting in the car, oblivious to the going on's no 3 feet from her outside the car. I'm in agony; my eyes are teary and I want to scream. Trying to cover, I ball up a tiny piece of tissue and stick it up there, hoping to staunch the flow. I can't see my face in the window, I don't know if there're any cuts, and I don't want to let on what just happened.
I think I recovered nicely. I played it cool, and was very ginger with my nose. I eventually told her what happened, because she saw the little cut on my left nostril and asked.
Karma Dude taped me up after the date; it's not broken, but it still hurts, and I can't breathe without the tape.
And after all that? She said no to a second round. Go figure...
It sort of snuck up on me; I knew that there was a possibilty that I would have a date with this particular girl, but I thought it would be next week. Instead, I got a call from my mother near midnight on Tuesday, telling me to be ready by Wednesday.
I don't want to sound like a nut, but I like having ample time to prepare for a date - certainly a first date - and having to do a million different things in order to ensure my readiness the day of the date itself?
It could be a recipe for disaster...
Take yesterday, for instance.
My car reeks like smoke. I don't mind the smell, so when the weather is particularily cold, I let guys sit in there and smoke. Now, usually, I have a few days in advance to make my car off limits, and I don't smoke in there either. Couple that with driving around with the windows open and a new air freshener, and the problem is solved. However, since I only found out a mere twenty hours or so before the date, and the fact that cold weather seems to make smells stay longer, I was at a loss for what to do.
Luckily, Karma Dude came to my aid. Apparently, some guy at a car rental agency once told him how to get rid of smoke smell in a car - when you're in a rush, and need something effective: Coffee. If you take any kind of coffee (even the freeze dried Sanka garbage), sprinkle it on the floor, and let it sit overnight, you're guaranteed to get rid of the car smoke smell. Karma Dude said that a quarter of a cup of plain dried coffee would do the trick; I wasn't taking chances, so I used a whole cup, liberally sprinbkled throughout the car.
The next day, I get in my car to go to Shacharis, and I take a deep breath. The place smelled like a freaking Starbucks. The smell of coffee was so overpowering, I got a caffeine jolt via inhalation.
I had to drive around with the windows open anyway, just to get rid of the coffee!
Fast forward to the date. After running around picking up my suit and shirts, shaving, getting a haircut, making myself spiffy, figuring out where to take her and trekking to where the girl lives, I am ready. I am Zen, I'm chilled, nothing can break my stride.
I charm her folks, and we skip out the door. I open her door for her, then go around to my side of the car. I first open the backseat door to place my hat on the back bench. As I do this I make small talk, and lean in to the car to adjust the hat so it doesn't get ruined or whatever, and slam the door shut. I thought I had enough clearance when I shut the door, but I guess not, because the edge of the door slammed me in the side of my nose. Hard. There was an audible crack - so loud, in fact, that I thought I had knocked my glasses off, but it was my nose, actually.
There's blood pooling in my hand. Not too much, but it's there. The girl's sitting in the car, oblivious to the going on's no 3 feet from her outside the car. I'm in agony; my eyes are teary and I want to scream. Trying to cover, I ball up a tiny piece of tissue and stick it up there, hoping to staunch the flow. I can't see my face in the window, I don't know if there're any cuts, and I don't want to let on what just happened.
I think I recovered nicely. I played it cool, and was very ginger with my nose. I eventually told her what happened, because she saw the little cut on my left nostril and asked.
Karma Dude taped me up after the date; it's not broken, but it still hurts, and I can't breathe without the tape.
And after all that? She said no to a second round. Go figure...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sorry...
I haven't been posting very often recently.
I've been working on a new story, and that's really been taking up the brunt of my free time, so please bear with me.
Keep checking in for more posts, though...
I've been working on a new story, and that's really been taking up the brunt of my free time, so please bear with me.
Keep checking in for more posts, though...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Saga (Or, the Never Ending Story)
I hold this ancient book in my hands
its contents, I don't know
does it hold secrets, not to understand
when I open it, it glows
The pages, brittle as they turn
tell stories from old time
of questions, their answers men yearn
to know of reason and rhyme
Stories of love, tales of loss
and bloody wars once fought
fables of hope, myths of despair
good intentions that were for naught
Restless wanderers, forever to roam
family banned from place
mysterious mentions, in this sacred tome
of the ephemeral space
Prestigous generations, and legacies
of men, both wealthy and wise
upon them tragedies and travesties
yet once again, they rise.
Just dug this up from the archives. Usually I go through my old writings on my birthday. I found this, and it got me thinking...
How do we connect with our brethren? How do we make them see that our Book, our Torah, isn't just a book? Not some old, outdated story, but rather, a living breathing EPIC? I'm always looking for fresh ideas...
its contents, I don't know
does it hold secrets, not to understand
when I open it, it glows
The pages, brittle as they turn
tell stories from old time
of questions, their answers men yearn
to know of reason and rhyme
Stories of love, tales of loss
and bloody wars once fought
fables of hope, myths of despair
good intentions that were for naught
Restless wanderers, forever to roam
family banned from place
mysterious mentions, in this sacred tome
of the ephemeral space
Prestigous generations, and legacies
of men, both wealthy and wise
upon them tragedies and travesties
yet once again, they rise.
Just dug this up from the archives. Usually I go through my old writings on my birthday. I found this, and it got me thinking...
How do we connect with our brethren? How do we make them see that our Book, our Torah, isn't just a book? Not some old, outdated story, but rather, a living breathing EPIC? I'm always looking for fresh ideas...
Monday, December 31, 2007
Second guessing...
My good friend Karma Dude is a volunteer Hatzoloh/EMS. He's got all the training, goes on calls, etc. This past Shabbos (to be precise, Friday night) he was woken up in the middle of the night by a frantic neighbor of his. His neighbor has a little boy (about 7 years old now), and several years ago, the kid had a brain tumor. Thankfully, the kid got better, but this Friday night, the kid had been acting erratic, had gone to sleep very early, and they couldn't wake him up.
Karma Dude went running over there. Finally, they were able to wake the boy, and KD checked his temperature, his heart beat, and determined that the kid was dehydrated. After they gave him (the kid, not KD) several cups of water, KD had to make a judgement call. On the one hand, it could be nothing, just a side effect of the fever. On the other hand, it could bely something more serious, given the kid's medical history, etc., and warrant a visit to the hospital.
In any event, KD advised the parents to continue checking up on the kid, and if anything happened, they should call Hatzoloh (i.e. the ones who are on call on Shabbos) to go to the hospital.
Karma Dude went home afterwards, and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He kept second guessing himself.
What if...
This happens so often, in every aspect of life. We make a decision, and we're final about it. But, then we're haunted by this nagging voice, a voice that makes us reconsider everything.
It's everywhere. In shidduchim, in where you'll live, which direction to take to get somewhere, etc. Sometimes, we never get rid of that feeling, even when in the depths of our heart, we know we did the right thing.
In fifteen minutes, it'll be my English birthday. I don't know if I'm wiser, but I do recognize that I've made many decisions this year, many choices. Where to go for yeshiva, whether or not to continue learning in yeshiva, dating decisions. Thankfully, I can say that, with God's help, I believe I have made the right decisions on almost all accounts this past year.
I want to bless all my readers, all Jews in the world, heck, everybody (and myself) that we should continue on this great journey, making our decisions with the conviction and fortitude that we all have deep within us...
Oh yeah, and Happy New Year!
Karma Dude went running over there. Finally, they were able to wake the boy, and KD checked his temperature, his heart beat, and determined that the kid was dehydrated. After they gave him (the kid, not KD) several cups of water, KD had to make a judgement call. On the one hand, it could be nothing, just a side effect of the fever. On the other hand, it could bely something more serious, given the kid's medical history, etc., and warrant a visit to the hospital.
In any event, KD advised the parents to continue checking up on the kid, and if anything happened, they should call Hatzoloh (i.e. the ones who are on call on Shabbos) to go to the hospital.
Karma Dude went home afterwards, and couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. He kept second guessing himself.
What if...
This happens so often, in every aspect of life. We make a decision, and we're final about it. But, then we're haunted by this nagging voice, a voice that makes us reconsider everything.
It's everywhere. In shidduchim, in where you'll live, which direction to take to get somewhere, etc. Sometimes, we never get rid of that feeling, even when in the depths of our heart, we know we did the right thing.
In fifteen minutes, it'll be my English birthday. I don't know if I'm wiser, but I do recognize that I've made many decisions this year, many choices. Where to go for yeshiva, whether or not to continue learning in yeshiva, dating decisions. Thankfully, I can say that, with God's help, I believe I have made the right decisions on almost all accounts this past year.
I want to bless all my readers, all Jews in the world, heck, everybody (and myself) that we should continue on this great journey, making our decisions with the conviction and fortitude that we all have deep within us...
Oh yeah, and Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Shameless plug...
My good friend Shmuel Nelson (of Eden MiQedem. I had an interview with him awhile back. For a recap, or if you've never seen it here, click here.)contacted me a few weeks ago, with a request to advertise for an upcoming show of his. Naturally, I agreed.
Here's the info:
Night of World Fusion at the Knitting Factory with "Eden Mi Qedem", "Atlas Soul", and members of "Zikrayat"
Wednesday December 26 at 7:30 PM
Price: $15
Knitting Factory - New York
74 Leonard Street
New York, NY 10013
Tel: (212) 219-3132
http://www.knittingfactory.com
Psychedelic meets Middle Eastern with Eden Mi Qedem's unique signature fusion "wherein Western and Middle Eastern pop culture clash in a colorfully spectacular fashion that redefines rock and roll, like crossing U2 with Dead Can Dance" ( Whisperin & Hollerin )
www.edenmiqedem.com
Atlas Soul is a band performing original music that celebrates Afro-Mediterranean culture and rhythm heavily spiced with Jazz and Funk.
http://www.atlas-soul.com/
Zikrayat is a New York based ensemble of musicians and dancers dedicated to presenting the traditional repertory of Arab music, song, and dance
http://www.zikrayatmusic.com/
I won't be attending, however; I just don't have the time.
Here's the info:
Night of World Fusion at the Knitting Factory with "Eden Mi Qedem", "Atlas Soul", and members of "Zikrayat"
Wednesday December 26 at 7:30 PM
Price: $15
Knitting Factory - New York
74 Leonard Street
New York, NY 10013
Tel: (212) 219-3132
http://www.knittingfactory.com
Psychedelic meets Middle Eastern with Eden Mi Qedem's unique signature fusion "wherein Western and Middle Eastern pop culture clash in a colorfully spectacular fashion that redefines rock and roll, like crossing U2 with Dead Can Dance" ( Whisperin & Hollerin )
www.edenmiqedem.com
Atlas Soul is a band performing original music that celebrates Afro-Mediterranean culture and rhythm heavily spiced with Jazz and Funk.
http://www.atlas-soul.com/
Zikrayat is a New York based ensemble of musicians and dancers dedicated to presenting the traditional repertory of Arab music, song, and dance
http://www.zikrayatmusic.com/
I won't be attending, however; I just don't have the time.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Sigh...
Remember when you were a kid? You thought that your mother and your father were perfect. They could do anything, and certainly do no wrong, either.
Remember the first time you saw a chink in that shiny armor, the slightest dent or taint? When you realized they weren't perfect? How did you feel? I was at a lost, and I remember the exact moments that I came to the realization that they were humans, not only capable of making mistakes, but big ones. It took a long time to get used to that fact, but eventually, I learned that these things just aren't that simple...
I had a terrible moment of deja' vu yesterday evening.
Right after breaking the fast on a much needed coffee, I climbed into my car to get some grub. My phone rings, and it's my cousin, bearing terrible news. Apparently, an important person that we know very well was arrested, implicated in some sort of money laundering scam. This person ( a Hasidic Rebbe, actually), is very close to my community. More so, he's very close to my immediate family. I've known him all my life, gotten brachas (blessings) from him at least once a year, and have asked for his advice numerous times.
Needless to say, I'm shocked and dismayed.
I know white collar crime is common in the jewish community (not just among the Hasidim either), be it large scale insurance frauds and tax evasion, or on a very personal level. I don't know where the permission to do these things is found, either; I'm not the most learned person, but dishonesty is dishonesty, any way you slice it. Even if it's not strictly forbidden, not written explicitly in the Torah "though shall not...", I don't understand how one can compartmentalize falsehood to just his business dealing with gentiles. It has to effect every other aspect, not to mention what kind of mention it sends to our children. Even if we know the difference, children tend to takes things quite literally, and see things in black and white...
I don't know what to say. I certainly don't think that Reb ______ is a bad person; on the contrary, I've known him too long to just write him off so quickly. I don't even know how involved he actually is in the whole deal. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this news.
One part of me wants him to get out as soon as possible, while the other part wants to ensure that he and his Hasidim get shaken up by this visit to jail, at least enough so that they won't be too hasty in doing this stuff again...
Remember the first time you saw a chink in that shiny armor, the slightest dent or taint? When you realized they weren't perfect? How did you feel? I was at a lost, and I remember the exact moments that I came to the realization that they were humans, not only capable of making mistakes, but big ones. It took a long time to get used to that fact, but eventually, I learned that these things just aren't that simple...
I had a terrible moment of deja' vu yesterday evening.
Right after breaking the fast on a much needed coffee, I climbed into my car to get some grub. My phone rings, and it's my cousin, bearing terrible news. Apparently, an important person that we know very well was arrested, implicated in some sort of money laundering scam. This person ( a Hasidic Rebbe, actually), is very close to my community. More so, he's very close to my immediate family. I've known him all my life, gotten brachas (blessings) from him at least once a year, and have asked for his advice numerous times.
Needless to say, I'm shocked and dismayed.
I know white collar crime is common in the jewish community (not just among the Hasidim either), be it large scale insurance frauds and tax evasion, or on a very personal level. I don't know where the permission to do these things is found, either; I'm not the most learned person, but dishonesty is dishonesty, any way you slice it. Even if it's not strictly forbidden, not written explicitly in the Torah "though shall not...", I don't understand how one can compartmentalize falsehood to just his business dealing with gentiles. It has to effect every other aspect, not to mention what kind of mention it sends to our children. Even if we know the difference, children tend to takes things quite literally, and see things in black and white...
I don't know what to say. I certainly don't think that Reb ______ is a bad person; on the contrary, I've known him too long to just write him off so quickly. I don't even know how involved he actually is in the whole deal. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this news.
One part of me wants him to get out as soon as possible, while the other part wants to ensure that he and his Hasidim get shaken up by this visit to jail, at least enough so that they won't be too hasty in doing this stuff again...
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