Ahhhhhh, summer!

I'm so bored.
My summer vacation is too short to have a job, so basically my afternoons are mind-numbingly dull. However, I bought an iPod so that I don't have to shlep all my CD's (over 300!) to Eretz Yisroel, so I've been busy downloading them onto my dad's computer and then on to the iPod itself.
Another time consuming project is selling my now downloaded CD's back to various music stores in the greater Cleveland area, so as to turn a profit, and pay back my parents for the loan for the iPod. It was while engaged in this very act that I found myself involved in a water fight with a bunch of ten year olds.
You see, while I was driving to one of the malls nearby, I passed that staple of a boring, hot, summer afternoon: a lemonade stand. I don't like lemonade, and it wasn't kosher anyway, so I just drove past the five ten year olds frantically waving their arms, in a futile attempt to get my attention. As I glanced in my rearview mirror, I was shocked to see their desperation turned to anger, as several of these brats started grabbing their crotches and flipping the bird in the direction of my car. Jeez. Every ten year old's a little Eminem, now.....
But it gets worse.
On my way back, I was heading back the same way I came. I approached the area where those little freaks were testing their business skills. As I passed, I noticed that the stand was seemingly deserted. "heh," I thought to myself,"those little snots probably gave up---"
SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!
Suddenly, my car was being bombarded from all sides by water baloons! Those little shits ambushed me! My windows were open, so I was soaked, my car was soaked, there was pieces of broken rubber stuck in the wipers...a real mess.
This means war.
Back in the day, I had this amazing super soaker, so I went to look for it. I dusted it off, and tested it to see if it still worked. A little leaky, but otherwise in good form. Next, I called some equally bored friends of mine, and told 'em to locate their old pieces, and gird themselves for battle. I went to the store and bought baloons, and as more guys showed up, we all pitched in to fill them to their ideal volume, to compensate for weight and wind, to be aerodynamic and yet still have enough water to do damage. These brats didn't know who they were screwing with. Aside from being hardened veterand of water wars, we were 18-20 year olds bored out of our skulls....
Finally, it was go time.
Ten of us, Five of them. These kids didn't have a chance. Myself and three other guys packed into my car for the initial attack. We were to do a drive-by, projects style. Four others would approach the brats' house from behind with heavy duty water baloon slingshots, to cut them off if they tried to retreat, and two were waiting as back up.
Bull Run. The Bulge. None compared to this glorious battle.
I ripped the corner at 30mph, with Iron Maiden blasting. All windows were down, and sunroof was open. The kids were on my left, so's I could get a shot as well. Two guys poking out the back, one standing out of the roof. "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEE, PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNKS!!!!!" I'm not sure who screamed it; it could have been me, could have been all of us. Frozen like deer in headlights, they fell prey to our first onslaught. I saw them running towards the back as we careened down the street. After I'd turned around, I saw baloons falling from all over; the four in the back were alternating between slinging and shooting, and the two back ups were slinging their artillery from two houses over. I pulled into their driveway slowly, so's not to hit one of the kids, and we spilled out and got into position smooth like mercury. One guy popped the trunk and pulled the back seat down so that he could snipe from in there, while the rest of us fanned out.
Then, I saw him.
It was, I presume, the leader of the clan; the crotch grabber. He was huddled down, facing away from me, most likely thinking about how he could regroup and salvage this battle. I spilled the pitcher of lemonade down his back, and he shot me in the face with what seemed to be a freaking water cannon (which turned out to be the latest incarnation of the super soaker line, a descendant of my own weapon..). Then the kid's mom came out and started yelling at us for picking on little kids. Anyway, I gave the kid ten bucks, and thanked him for giving me something to do. Then, my battalion and I headed back to my house to have pizza bagels and recount our personal experiences in today's fracas. Thank God for summer; I need a life.....
Originally posted Wednesday, 10 August 2005