tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post3873866621379252103..comments2023-10-23T11:22:31.216-04:00Comments on Tikkun!: Toxic RelationshipsShmuelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08623549507370220071noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-81691469882713929682010-08-22T15:42:49.357-04:002010-08-22T15:42:49.357-04:00If you take a dog which is starving and feed him a...If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man. -Mark TwainShneornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-3119244180591020142010-08-17T23:00:56.147-04:002010-08-17T23:00:56.147-04:00Dix - the Rebbe gives that eitza at the end of the...Dix - the Rebbe gives that eitza at the end of the ninth perek in Chovat HaTalmidim. It is "baduk u'menuso" (not to mention a stroke of genius) but I believe that these may be extenuating circumstances due to the dynamics of our relationship and the extent/nature of our interactions...<br /><br />Thanks for all the encouraging words guys. Your comments are greatly appreciated.Shmuelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08623549507370220071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-18837660346033108392010-08-17T19:08:30.510-04:002010-08-17T19:08:30.510-04:00Very good post. Do you recall the piece in one of ...Very good post. Do you recall the piece in one of the seforim (maybe Tzav V'Ziruz) where the Rebbe teaches what to do in situations of extreme anger towards someone. He says to write a letter that completely expresses everything you would like to tell the person. In your post you may have held back on some things but in this letter, you'd write it all exactly like you do when you tell the person off your mind. Then take the letter and bring it to someplace where you can be completely alone like a forest and yell it out as if you were telling the person off.<br /><br />Then do it again the next day. He says you won't be able to do it with as much feeling and will be a bit embarrassed. <br /><br />After the 3rd or fourth time, you will be too embarrassed to even read it at a whisper and will want to make up with the person.<br /><br />I'm not sure in your situation when you have to have future exposure to this person that this is shiach but I wanted to pass it on.<br /><br />BTW, he says that at the end you should burn the letter.<br /><br />Also, I thought of another eitza yesterday to deal with a situation I have (which is *much* less serious) so we can talk further some other time if you would like to. <br /><br />Kol tuv.DixieYid (يهودي جنوبي)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03713423988723533390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-11202548019244032292010-08-13T17:04:11.701-04:002010-08-13T17:04:11.701-04:00It's easy to forget that V'Ahavta L'Re...It's easy to forget that V'Ahavta L'Reacha Kmocha has to apply to oneself.Neil Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12797772082427806345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-46357892267779892302010-08-12T06:44:14.949-04:002010-08-12T06:44:14.949-04:00Sorry to tell you but this is a really common phen...Sorry to tell you but this is a really common phenomenon. It's davka the people you help the most who hate you the most. <br /><br />If you helped someone you did a good thing. So please focus on that in your mind. The other person's reaction is their business (i.e. not your problem). Also think of the zechut you get in shamayim. If someone thanks us, that is part of the reward. This way you have the whole reward up there waiting for you. You might even end up thanking this person in your heart. It takes time I know. I don't think that you have to think about forgiving them if they didn't ask forgiveness. You have your cheshbon in shamayim and they have their's. There's a mitzvah sitting in yours. Not sure you have to worry about their's.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-37072720639660582812010-08-12T06:00:07.139-04:002010-08-12T06:00:07.139-04:00My wife has a long string of former friends. Peopl...My wife has a long string of former friends. People in need, who she befriended and helped, but then wanted a foot for every inch, a yard for every foot. Someone new in our mutual home town, or someone going through tzaros with the children. A then-recently widowed almanah...<br /><br />Very asymmetric relationships in which both parties confuse helping someone out with true friendship -- and eventually it cracks. Too much demand, being taken for granted,or on the other side -- anger that "she wasn't there when I needed her" because the dependency can't always be met. Etc...<br /><br />I think the term in psychobabble is codependency.<br /><br />-the other frockAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3924559593469631970.post-1860479117650306532010-08-11T23:24:20.029-04:002010-08-11T23:24:20.029-04:00Sometimes ther are people who are beyond the scope...Sometimes ther are people who are beyond the scope of help as far as the lay person (you) is involved. There is a famous expression that I have heard from a friend of mine: I don't condone the behavior and I don't condemn the individual.<br />Easier said than done- especially since I don't know the particulars of this situation. So, my answer may be very pat- which I do not mean to do.<br /> If you behave in the same good, helpful manner to those other people in your community your reputation should not be destroyed and chances are others see thru this person's behavior and recognize this person is ill and needs help. Sad, yet true that these situations exist. I have helped two such individuals in our community and have been taken advantage of. A third tried in our community. I was prepared and was able to assist up to a certain point, yet knew when to not get heavily involved and that was that.<br />I wish you hatzlachoh in this matter. definately judge the overall individual favorably in terms of illness and realize he/she needs help and daven for this for this person and ask a rav for advice most of all. it is a test for Elul, too. Hashem's non- corporeal ears are open and He wants to hear your prayer.Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00338022892863788418noreply@blogger.com